someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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