i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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