i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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