almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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