Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
