Sponge bath it is.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
