Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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