dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
