Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How external is "for external use only"?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
