i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
