It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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