I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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