In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
