On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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