He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
