The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
