does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize