Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
