I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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