You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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