Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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