Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
