If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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