Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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