corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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