btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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