he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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