sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
