I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
