All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
