I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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