I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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