i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize