when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We're too hungover to prance.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
