I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
