well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
