I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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