my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You made out with two different species that night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
