we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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