Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
