It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
