my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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