I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My vagina is very pro this idea
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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