She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
