Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize