carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
