Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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