We got so high we made milksteak
splinters make it hard to masturbate
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize