my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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