Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
