So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
