We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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