I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
