i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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