you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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