im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
