i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
