i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
