you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
