Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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