yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
