I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
