she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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