Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize