Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
