Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize