I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
