Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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