I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
