My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
