what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
