i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
