I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
