Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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