is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize