so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
