her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize