Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
