So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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