Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
