dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's always time for handjobs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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