We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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