this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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