My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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