I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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