I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
