those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
