I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
