Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
