I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
