Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
