Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
