3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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