she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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