she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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