he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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