and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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