I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
